Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
