Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
