how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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