Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
