At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
