so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
