i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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