she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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