Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I won the penis lottery.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize