last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
