I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
