I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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