Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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