We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
