TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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