You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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