Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
