When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
