There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
