i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
