We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
