Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize