I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize