my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
