I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
