Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
