Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
