Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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