to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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