WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
