I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
