She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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