I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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