Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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