It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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