This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
