nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
