I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize