So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
