Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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