Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
