You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
