I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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