Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
