i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
