If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
