I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
