Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
