Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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