just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if only i could text you this smell
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
