Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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