my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
