It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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