well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
