in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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