"it" just moved
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
