I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
