i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Text me some of your sweat
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
