What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
