Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
