My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
